painwithoutyou

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My Wonderful but Painful Memories

Losing your love of you life ,your husband, wife, that whom you have spent most of your life together, with children or without has now left your side. The wonderful but painful memories especially the good, happy, loving, laughter,wedding, your first born, holidays, personality, these are just some of the memories that will a be with you always.

You sit alone and the memories flood your brain, and the odd thing is that you can remember quite far back, usually when they are still with you, and try to remember a special occasion, you say ´I can´t remember that far back´. But when they are no longer with you, you can remember almost everything. When you go to work, shopping, driving, eating, socialising, and sleeping, the memories of your partner are in your brain like a TV.

Listening to Heart or Magic on the radio, brings back the memories some are very painful and some are anger, you know the song that was both of yours, ones that you had a loving moment, make up from a disagreement, holidays, a song you sang together etc. And it takes you back in time, which we all would like to go back, just to have your time again with them, even for a moment. So we can feel, see, smell, hear, just one more time.

The old motown, soul, reggae, and ballards are just me and will never get tired of  listening to them, when Elvis, Elton John Ýour Song´ Eagles ´Hotel Califonia´ was hís  favourite songs, played for his ´farewell´ to his next life.

When they play his favourite songs, I know that is a sign he is with me!  but the emotions, feelings,sadness, loneliness, kicks in and sometimes hard to breath like you have no oxygen,there are sometimes alot of tears or none.

Your friends and family sometimes stay clear of  reminders of  the memories, of your dear departed, like they no longer exist, which angers me as they were also a part of their life, and were once living on this earth.

I would appreciate all that have suffered losing your loved one, please express your feelings, regardless great or small, if you have special memories like I do, or you have tried to block them out because of the Pain, love to hear from you all, as there are not too many people who can not express their feelings what they are going through or for someone to  listen to you.

For everyone will evenually go through this process of agonising pain.

 

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How do you cope losing your partner

My name is Mo,

Ís Pain forever´

This is to all people out there that has lost a ´loved one´ who has been your soulmate, lifetime partner, shared and went everywhere together, laughed, cried, agreed and disagreed, agruments, made up, good and bad habits, some had children and some did´nt, gone through the good and bad times, and much, much more.

And then suddenly it all goes, for that person is no longer here with you, and it seems it all has disappeared, your partner you had for nearly a lifetime or a short time, is no longer with you!

How do you feel ? The devastated pain, numbness, confusion, sadness, shock, guilty, anger,bitterness, loneliness.

Well I have felt all of those even more, as I lost my soulmate, partner, husband just over 2 years ago, and they say it gets easier and better each day, but does it. For the pain goes on every single day,minute,second, even you try to keep your mind occupied with work etc. Being together since I was 17 years old, and widowed at the age of 48 , not young and not old. I thought I was the only one going through  this pain on my own, a new chapter of my life, which I did´nt want I only wanted one chapter of my life, not two, and you say to yourself and to everyone ´why did it happen to me´and not someone else, who has caused evil and terrible things to others in this world,  Well I believe in the saying ´Only the good die young´, he was taken by Liver Cancer, suffering pain for sometime but did´nt tell me or  how long. As he and most  men are selfish and are stubborn like a ´mule´, going to a doctor was telling the whole world, that he was weak and not strong. He was fit, healthy,non smoker, execised, a glass of two at the most, but was too late when we both found out, doctors said it was in advanced stage, and just a matter of time. That is when you wished you can go back in a time machine.

Well at that time it was not pain, it was like I´m not that person anymore, it was more of the pain I saw on his face, saying to me and making me feel a bit easier with the ´shock´ of the news.  He said I had my life at the age of 55 years old, and he was sad and did´nt want to leave me by myself, and I told him I wanted to die with him, but he said if I try and do something stupid and silly, he would never forgive me, and told me I need to go on living, easy said than done! Me left behind to try and pick up the pieces without him, and its easy for friends and relatives to say ´don´t worry you can do it ! No I can´t, you are angry for them saying it to you, I rather they say nothing, you can´t help and think and say if it was you will you be able to do it and say this to me.

It was just one month when the doctor told us, when he passed away back in England, as we lived in Spain just 4 months after I buried my father , and my dear mother through dementia begining of this year.

So pain will remain with me

I would like other people going through this pain to express their feelings and experience, as I know most of your friends and relatives slowly decline in contacting and listening to you when you are feeling the  pain of loosing your loved one.